How to Stop Your Emotions From Controlling You (Without Suppressing Them)
The Simple Truth About Emotional Overwhelm That No One Tells You
There was a time when I really believed I couldn't control my emotions.
They'd show up seemingly out of nowhere and hijack my focus, my mood, and how I showed up in my life.
Especially the negative ones—fear, shame, guilt, and sadness.
I'd hyperfocus on something someone said, or something I did last week. I'd worry endlessly about an imagined future event. My emotions felt like weather systems rolling in without warning, leaving me powerless in their wake.
If you're someone who feels everything deeply and sometimes gets stuck in your feelings, what I'm about to share could change everything for you.
The Day I Realized My Emotions Weren't the Problem
Here's what shifted everything for me:
My emotions weren't the problem. It was my thoughts.
More specifically, it was what I was making my emotions mean about a situation, a circumstance, or about myself that was causing my suffering.
This might sound like a small distinction, but it's everything.
When you believe your emotions are the problem, you feel helpless. Emotions feel like they happen to you—uncontrollable forces you have to endure.
But when you understand that your thoughts are shaping your emotional experience, suddenly you're not so powerless anymore.
Understanding the Thought-Emotion Connection
Here's how it actually works:
Something happens (or you think about something that happened, or imagine something that might happen). Your brain immediately generates thoughts about it. Those thoughts create your emotional response.
Example:
Event: Your boss sends you a brief "Can we talk later?" message
Automatic thought: "I did something wrong" or "I'm getting fired" or "They're unhappy with my work"
Emotional result: Anxiety, panic, dread, inability to focus
But what if the thought was different?
Event: Your boss sends you a brief "Can we talk later?" message
Intentional thought: "They probably need my input on something" or "I'll find out what they need when we talk"
Emotional result: Calm, curious, able to continue working productively
Same event. Different thought. Completely different emotional experience.
Why This Matters For Highly Sensitive People
If you're someone who feels everything intensely, you might think this sensitivity is a curse. I used to think that too.
But the truth is, your emotional depth is a gift—it just needs better direction.
Highly sensitive people often struggle not because they feel too much, but because they haven't learned to work with their thought patterns. The emotions themselves aren't the issue; it's the spiral of thoughts that amplifies them.
Once I understood that my thoughts were molding my emotional experience, I stopped being so helpless about it.
I started paying attention to where my mind was going on autopilot—and gently, intentionally, shifting it.
This Isn't About Toxic Positivity
Let me be super clear: I don't believe in pretending everything's fine when it's not.
I'm not suggesting you suppress your emotions or force yourself to "just think positive" when you're genuinely struggling.
That's spiritual bypassing, and it doesn't work.
What I do believe in is choosing where to place your mind's focus.
You can feel the hard things and still choose to anchor on the good that's right here, too. Both can be true at the same time.
My Simple 3-Step Process for Emotional Regulation
Here's what I do now when I feel myself spiraling:
Step 1: Pause and Notice It
The moment you catch yourself in an emotional spiral, that's the first win. Most people never even notice—they just ride the wave of thoughts and feelings unconsciously.
Simply observing "Oh, I'm spiraling right now" or "I notice I'm feeling anxious" creates space between you and the emotion. You're no longer completely identified with it.
Step 2: Celebrate That You Noticed
This might sound silly, but it's crucial. Give yourself a quick "Yes! Go me!" or even a little booty shake.
Why? Because your brain needs positive reinforcement to build new patterns. Every time you celebrate awareness, you make it more likely you'll catch yourself earlier next time.
Plus, it interrupts the negative spiral with something playful and kind.
Step 3: Gently Shift Your Focus
Notice I said "gently." You're not forcing anything or beating yourself up for having the thoughts in the first place.
Ask yourself: What is still good in this moment? What's working right now, even if it's small?
Maybe it's just that you're breathing, you have a roof over your head, or your coffee tastes good. It doesn't have to be profound—it just has to be true.
Every time you do this, you take a bit of your power back.
Not by denying your emotions, but by acknowledging what they are: just a signal.
What Your Emotions Are Really Telling You
Emotions are information. They're signals from your nervous system about what you're thinking and believing in any given moment.
When you understand this, you can start asking better questions:
"What thought is creating this feeling?"
"Is this thought actually true, or is it a story I'm telling myself?"
"What would I need to believe to feel differently right now?"
"What is this emotion trying to protect me from?"
These questions help you work with your emotions rather than against them.
Building Emotional Awareness Takes Practice
If you've spent years on autopilot, letting your thoughts run wild, it takes time to build this new muscle of awareness.
At first, you might only catch yourself after you've been spiraling for hours. That's okay. You still caught it.
With practice, you'll catch yourself sooner—maybe after 30 minutes, then 5 minutes, then almost immediately.
Eventually, you'll even catch the thought before it creates the emotional spiral.
This is emotional mastery: not controlling what you feel, but understanding how you create those feelings and consciously choosing thoughts that serve you.
The Freedom That Comes From Taking Your Power Back
When you realize you're not at the mercy of your emotions, everything changes.
You stop feeling like a victim of your own mind. You stop waiting for external circumstances to shift before you can feel better. You stop believing that your sensitivity is a weakness.
Instead, you step into your power as someone who feels deeply and can also navigate those feelings with clarity and intention.
You become someone who can experience the full range of human emotion without being controlled by it.
Your Emotions Are Valid AND You Have Agency
Here's what I want you to remember: Your emotions are always valid. Whatever you're feeling is real and deserves acknowledgment.
And you also have agency over your thoughts, which means you have more influence over your emotional experience than you might think.
These two truths can coexist. In fact, they must coexist for you to develop genuine emotional wellness.
Start Taking Your Power Back Today
The next time you find yourself caught in an emotional spiral, try the three-step process:
Pause and notice
Celebrate the noticing
Gently shift your focus to what's still good
It's simple, but simple doesn't mean easy—especially at first.
Be patient with yourself. This is a practice.
Every time you choose awareness over autopilot, you're building the skill of emotional regulation. You're taking your power back, one thought at a time.
What would change in your life if you stopped feeling controlled by your emotions?